A Servant’s Heart?
I married an adventurous Montana man. We spent our courtship in a resort area where I waitressed to pay for my final semester of college, and he shod horses for local dude ranches. We traveled to rodeos where he competed in saddle-bronc riding, team roping, bull dogging, and bareback riding, while I sat in the bleachers amazed and yet somehow terrified that he would get hurt. He attained his PRCA (Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association) card that year and was planning to continue until he “won the world.”
As time would have it, rodeo fell to the background when we married, as other priorities took precedence. Our first five years of marriage found us continuing an adventurous lifestyle, however, as we rode horseback into the wilderness for recreational camping and fly fishing, or river rafting in the summers and hunting in the fall. In the winters we cross-country skied and snowmobiled hundreds of miles in the mountains. We explored places few are able to access and created memories still dear to my heart.
Does this sound like a perfect life? Yes, it was exciting. But after a while we had children and I could no longer accompany my adventurer on all of his exploits. To be honest, there were times I just appreciated being home in the quiet instead of tagging along on a never-ending quest for
“fun.” You see, we are opposites in so many ways, as is the case in most marriages. He is spontaneous and I am a planner. He is a talented artist and craftsman who works with his hands and has great vision. I am one who works with my mind – to write, to teach, to read, and I am totally linear in my thinking. He is all about “good enough” with the picky chores of tidying up. I cannot live in clutter and feel happiest when all is in its place, neat and clean. I like things put back in order immediately and he is comfortable with leaving things as they are. When I put something of his away (that is, “where it belongs,” to me) he gets frustrated that he can’t find it, or it isn’t within easy reach.
A few weeks ago, he decided to take the camper and boat and go fishing. I was happy to have the time to catch up with work and chores at home, spending a full day cleaning the house and mowing the lawn, and another almost full day planting the flowers and cleaning up the yard. It was heavenly, in my book, to see “a place for everything and everything in its place,” a clean house and yard, all the clutter put away.
When he returned from his latest adventure with our camper, he let me know that the sheets on the bed would probably need to be washed. The camper sat in our front yard for a few days, as he got busy with other projects, so I decided to check it out. Not only did the sheets need washing, but there were a “few other things” that needed attention, too. Being who I was, I could not stand by and let it stay that way. So, I spent several hours getting it back to what I considered “acceptable.” During the time I was working, I found myself becoming more and more irritated that I had to clean us “his mess.” When I approached him afterwards about my frustration, he made a joke of it to keep things light while acknowledging my feelings.
When he actually thanked me later for doing this chore, I had a hard time accepting his thanks, thinking this will probably happen again. But somehow later that day, God got a hold of me on my attitude. I could see this as a burden put on me by someone else, I could see it as being taken for granted, I could see it as being treated as a servant….But wait…Isn’t that what I am called to do and be? If I consider myself a Christian and I want to be like Jesus, wasn’t He the greatest servant of all? He even laid down His life for me. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)”
Realizing this made me question and think in a new way about my servant attitude – or lack thereof. I usually have no problem being a servant to others; in fact, I like to serve when needed. I bring meals, assist with the worship team at church, step in to take care of grandkids when needed, and have offered others assistance and served on committees in my work. But God is showing me that my way of serving is not really for others – it’s for me. Serving makes me feel good about myself, like I am contributing, and maybe even that I am important. (ugh!)
Immediately I was convicted. God brought to mind all the ways my husband serves me, which are too many to even begin to list here. I know I am blessed to have a faithful and loving husband and the beauty of 48 years of marriage to my best friend who has given me countless adventures I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have been gifted in many ways and so much to be thankful for, there should never be room for resentment.
Jesus made it clear in the Sermon on the Mount that our actions can be sinful, but it our hearts that truly need repair. When we look at our motivations for even what could be termed worthy actions, we may see the underlying sin. Our pride can get in the way of having a heart for others and a heart for God.
Philippians 2: 6-8 (NASB)
“Who, though He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as a thing to be grasped emptied himself, taking upon the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
Dear Lord,
Thank you that you are gracious and merciful, abounding in love and grace. You are the true model of servanthood, humbling yourself and taking on our sins on the cross. Your mercies are new every morning, especially when those mercies lead us to repentance. I pray that you will empty my heart of pride and fill it up with a servant’s true heart. In Jesus’ holy name I pray. Amen